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Channel: A Mind Divided » triggers
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Becoming

What a wacky week. On one hand, the rapid cycling and slow-motion despair dragged me into a “What’s the Use?” thought loop that quickly spiraled into suicidal ideation.  On the other hand, I was this...

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Holiday Survival Tactics

I don’t like holidays. I would rather scratch them all from my calendar.  I understand that the weary working need and savor this break, but they only make me sick.  The YMCA closes, my coffee shops...

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The Path Always Followed

I have a confession.  It’s not easy for me to admit this.  But, it’s time to face facts. Bipolar Disorder has turned me into a Coot. I never thought it would happen.  I expected to be easy-going and...

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The Plan

Our YWCA is closed this week for its annual scrub and tune-up.  This year they’re refinishing all the pools, so we won’t be back in the water until August 20.  Since I get a little squirrelly on...

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Failure, Seeds & Tidal Waves

I woke up this morning contemplating failure. I knew last week would be rough.  When the Y closes for cleaning each summer, my whole schedule gets disrupted, but I planned around it the best I could....

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Scooping the Loop in Bipolar Town

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. —Lao Tzu = = =...

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Debt and Agitation

I lost my mind for a little while this morning. I’ve been struggling to hold my compulsive behaviors at bay, which is like telling the ocean to be still.  When the bipolar tide comes in, there’s no...

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Christmas Unplugged

Phew!  Well, that’s over. Unplugging from Christmas felt a little like traveling through a foreign country.  After 55 years of doing Christmas, undoing it was just weird.  I was able to see how much...

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Getting Better

I stood at my kitchen window yesterday, watching the morning come.  Prickly, my brain hot and sore, vague urges and angers surfaced in bubbles to pop, causing an instant of relief and splatter like a...

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Hysteria in Aisle Two

I woke up yesterday frantic, bolted out of bed and grabbed up my journal.  Something had to be done.  I needed a plan. The day before I’d stepped on the scale at the Y.  Twenty pounds had crept back...

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Season of Change

This is sort of a big week.  Wednesday will be my last Support Group session.  Thursday, my mom returns home from the nursing home.  Big changes.  And change is always a little dangerous for anyone...

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Focus on Gratitude: Day 1

Dealing with my second bout of bronchitis this autumn, I didn’t have much else to talk to my therapist about yesterday.  I was in basic survival mode—fluids, rest, Robitussin—and not thinking much...

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The Beagle and the Teacup

I’m breaking one of my Golden Rules by not telling you how crazy I am at the moment. Honesty.  That’s what I pledged. So, okay. I went to a presentation today about some of the new programs rolling out...

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Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Outta the Hat

I really don’t think anyone else is interested in my financial prestidigitations.  I’m just opting for transparency.  Since compulsive behavior is part of my bipolar kit, I need to open it up for...

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Making It Real

Back in October when I took the first week of Peer Support training, I applied to my sister’s P.E.O. chapter for financial assistance.  The ladies who interviewed me were lovely—kind, supportive, sure...

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I Am Breathing Me

This is a lot. Sitting with my mom as she died; supporting my sister as executor of Mom’s affairs; preparing to return to a professional form of work; preparing to go to England for the first time;...

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Is This Grief?

Up at 2:30 this morning, awake but toting sludge for brains.  Is this grief? Yesterday I felt proud that I could stand with my family and greet everyone that came to Mom’s visitation.  Two and a half...

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“The Storm is Up, And All is on the Hazard”

There’s a kind of frenzy that happens after a death in the family.  There’s a sea-change during the rush of funeral arrangements.  Details drag at the ankles, family and well-wishers swarm, then dart...

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Sugar Pie

New Month.  New Day.  New Breath. Feeling so grateful for my Sister in Charge, who is performing her Trustee duties with grace and diligence.  As the stress starts to weigh heavier, and I paddle faster...

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In The Trenches

The last time I had this much change, pressure, and emotional hoo-haw in my life I ended up getting electroshock.  That was then, as they say.  This is now. Yesterday I started my job as a Peer Support...

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